Conversation planning template
Planning a conversation on paper forces clarity. This template takes about ten minutes and covers the points where important conversations most often go wrong.
How to use this template
Copy the blank table into a notebook or document and fill in each row before the conversation. Then read the example to see how a completed plan looks. Keep the finished plan nearby, but don't read from it; the goal is to clarify your thinking, not to script the talk.
Blank template
| Section | Prompt | Your notes |
|---|---|---|
| Goal | What outcome do I want? | (write here) |
| Facts | What specifically happened, without interpretation? | (write here) |
| My interpretation | What story am I telling myself about it? | (write here) |
| Their likely view | How might they see the same situation? | (write here) |
| Opening sentence | What will I say first? | (write here) |
| My stress pattern | How do I usually react under pressure? | (write here) |
| Recovery move | What will I do if that reaction starts? | (write here) |
| Agreement | What small, concrete agreement would count as progress? | (write here) |
Completed example
| Section | Example |
|---|---|
| Goal | Agree on how project updates are shared |
| Facts | Two deadlines moved last month without notice to me |
| My interpretation | "They don't respect my time." |
| Their likely view | "Things changed fast, and I thought the team channel was enough." |
| Opening sentence | "Can we find a better way to share schedule changes?" |
| My stress pattern | I get sharp and list every past problem (Type 8 pattern) |
| Recovery move | Ask a question and focus on the next month only |
| Agreement | Changes posted in the channel and sent to me directly |
Why each section matters
Separating facts from interpretation reduces the chance of opening with an accusation. Imagining the other person's view helps counter attribution bias, the tendency to assume bad intent. Naming your own stress pattern in advance, whether that's withdrawing, escalating or over-accommodating, makes it easier to notice in the moment and choose a different move.
Stress patterns to consider
- Withdrawing or going quiet (often described in 5 and 9).
- Escalating or pushing (often described in 8 and 1).
- Over-reassuring or smoothing over (often described in 2 and 7).
- Doubting or questioning repeatedly (often described in 6).
- Rushing to solutions (often described in 3).
Template questions
How do I plan a difficult conversation?+−
Define your goal, separate facts from interpretations, consider their view and plan an opening sentence.
Should I script a hard conversation?+−
Plan key points and an opening, but avoid reading a script.
How long does planning take?+−
About ten minutes for most conversations.
Can I use this template at work and home?+−
Yes, it works for any important conversation.
Continue exploring
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